I had such a beautiful New Year’s Eve. It was simple yet profound—a drive to visit family, enjoying the traditional recipe of oliebollen, sharing meals, listening to music, making dinner together, and playing games. Of course, the children set off some fireworks every now and then. It was beautiful, harmonious, and I cherished every moment of it.
But today, January 1st, was a much more challenging day. The children, having stayed up far too late, were visibly out of balance. I, having done the same, felt it too. This imbalance was reflected in everyone’s behavior. Emotions ran high, and triggers surfaced easily. The children carried their own themes into the day, triggering each other—and even I found myself reacting.
I recognized that I wasn’t able to keep myself in balance. That was my signal: I needed to carve out space to sit with myself and process what was going on. Because if something triggers you, it always points toward an active belief system waiting to be unraveled. Otherwise, the whole scenario wouldn’t have played out in the first place.
So, after making sure everyone was showered and ready for bed on time, I finally found the space I needed. In the quiet of the evening, I sat alone to reflect, feel the emotions that arose, and explore the beliefs that had been activated during the day.
The Moment of Awareness
It was during dinner when I felt the shift—a tipping point I could no longer ignore. The energy in the room was bubbling over, a mix of triggers and tensions from everyone at the table, including myself. The kids were bickering, the usual playful jabs escalating into something disruptive. I felt the pressure mounting, a familiar sense of losing control over the situation.
In that moment, I recognized it for what it was. This wasn’t just about a spilled gravy boat or clanging cutlery. This was a reflection of something deeper—a theme that kept repeating itself in my life, one that I hadn’t yet unraveled. The triggers weren’t just about the noise or behavior around me; they were mirroring something still active within me.
This was the moment of awareness. I realized I had a choice: to react from old patterns, or to pause, acknowledge the energy at play, and approach it differently. I chose the latter. I took a deep breath, addressed the chaos calmly but firmly, and made a decision to carve out space later in the evening to explore what was truly happening within me.
Tracing Triggers to the Past
As I sat with myself, reflecting on the day’s events, I began to unravel the ingredients of the trigger. One insight led to another, each revealing a deeper layer. Soon, I saw how these same patterns had appeared in my life on many occasions. I traced them back further, all the way to my youth, and realized they had been ever-present as I was growing up.
It dawned on me that I had never questioned these triggers or worked through why they were there—because, to me, they seemed normal. Destructive behaviors were such a familiar part of my upbringing that I never saw them as anything unusual. They were woven into the fabric of my childhood, not out of malice, but because everyone around me was also shaped by their own upbringing.
For the first time, I could see clearly how the belief systems I had inherited made it impossible to recognize these behaviors for what they were. I had normalized them without realizing the impact they had on me. As a child, I compensated for the lack or destructiveness of others. I poured all my energy into stabilizing the environment around me, leaving little for my own body to stay healthy.
This pattern of overcompensation meant my body was often left struggling to meet its own needs. Looking back, I can now connect this to the physical challenges I experienced growing up—frequent illnesses, feeling cold easily, getting out of breath quickly, and finding it hard to maintain balance. I even faced a few significant health issues along the way.
These realizations weren’t easy to accept. I had to acknowledge the hardship of it all—the pain of neglecting my own needs, the toll it had taken on my body, and the weight of carrying these patterns for so long.
Processing and Releasing Stored Energy
Sitting in the quiet of my living room, I turned my attention inward to the sensations in my body. I felt the tightness in my shoulders and back, signals from my body that something deeper needed my attention. This discomfort wasn’t just physical—it was emotional energy stored from years of unprocessed experiences. These emotions, like small clouds, hovered within me, waiting to be acknowledged.
I leaned into these feelings, not resisting or judging them, but simply allowing them to be. I surrendered to the sadness, the frustration, and the anger that arose. These emotions weren’t foreign—they were familiar, echoes of my past that had never been fully processed. I stayed present, letting them surface and move through me.
As I stayed with these sensations, I noticed something profound. At a certain moment, the energy began to shift. It was subtle at first—a thinning of the emotional “clouds.” Then came a deep, instinctive breath, as if my body knew it was time to let go. On the exhale, I could feel the release of tension and a clearing of space within me.
This was the moment of transformation. By fully embracing these emotions, I allowed the energy they held to dissipate, freeing my body and mind from the weight they carried. I wasn’t just letting go of the emotions; I was reclaiming energy that had been trapped and restoring flow to my energy stream.
Processing and releasing stored energy isn’t an intellectual exercise—it’s an act of surrender. It’s about honoring what has been and creating space for what is to come. It’s a process that requires patience and a willingness to trust your body’s innate wisdom to heal itself when given the chance.
Reflecting on the day, I realize how the challenges that triggered me were not just random events—they were purposeful opportunities to uncover and process patterns that no longer serve me. By fully accepting and processing these emotions, I allowed my energy to shift. The information my electrons once held about this particular theme was no longer needed, as there was nothing left for me to process. With this release, my electrons are free to display other emotions and information about new layers that now need attention and integration.
This is the beauty of alignment—by restoring harmony within, I create space for new growth, and the world around me begins to reflect this shift.
Here’s to the joy of creating,
Anke Joanne