Walking Forward
There’s a part of me that was wired for depth.
When something hurts, I go in.
When something aches, I stay with it.
When something repeats, I look for the loop.
It’s beautiful, really. This instinct to understand.
This reverence for the root.
But this new year —
I’m learning that not everything needs to be traced to the beginning.
Some things just need a new step.
A movement.
A doorway.
A breath of air from a different track.
This pattern I carry — the one that digs instead of moves —
was born in a life where only a few tracks were left open.
So I dug deep, because it was the only direction I had.
And it served me.
Until it didn’t.
Now, I want to learn something else.
To walk forward.
To let the page be written as I move.
To not hold every moment up to the microscope of “why.”
To allow the new to come not because the old is solved,
but because I said yes to movement.
This is not about bypassing.
It’s about initiating.
It’s about choosing life
even before you understand it.
My Real New Year’s Resolution
I realized something last night.
Of all the thresholds I’ve crossed,
of all the tears I’ve cried,
there is one imprint that still holds so much weight in my system:
the loop of searching.
I created meaning in a narrow world —
to give color to the few tracks I had left.
And I did it with such beauty, such depth.
But over time,
the searching became a survival strategy.
Depth became the only doorway I trusted.
And so now, the hardest thing —
is not the healing,
not the crying,
not the remembering…
It’s walking forward.
Just… because I can.
Not needing it to be complete.
Not needing the reflection to understand me.
Not needing to earn joy through pain.
So this is it.
My resolution for 2026:
To learn what others do so easily.
To walk forward.
To let that be enough