This morning I woke up afraid.
For a moment I was still halfway inside a dream. Then the bedroom slowly came into focus. The sounds outside. The weight of the blanket. The familiar feeling of waking.
And then I felt it.
Fear.
Not a story.
Not a thought.
Just fear in the body.
For years I would have done what I always did.
I would have followed the fear with my mind.
Why am I afraid?
What does the dream mean?
What is wrong?
I would have left myself before the day had even begun.
This morning I didn’t.
I felt the mattress beneath my shoulders, my hips and my legs.
I let my attention rest there.
I opened my eyes and looked around the room until the body recognized something my mind didn’t have to explain.
I am here.
I am safe.
Slowly my breathing dropped into my belly.
My jaw began to tremble.
A yawn appeared.
Then another.
Tears came.
The body wasn’t asking me to solve the fear.
It was asking for enough safety to let it move.
An hour later I was outside eating strawberries from a planter I built with my own hands last year. The fear was nutrelized, i felt energised again.
The fear hadn’t been defeated.
It had simply stopped leading.
And I realized something.
Perhaps the most important choice isn’t learning how to fight fear.
Perhaps it’s learning not to leave yourself when fear arrives.
Anke Joanne
*If this way of meeting fear is new to you, you’ll find more about the body, attention and learning your own instrument elsewhere on the site.