For me, staying with myself means keeping part of my attention in the body.

That sounds simple.

It isn’t.

For many years I became very good at leaving.

The moment fear appeared, my attention would immediately move somewhere else.

Into thoughts.

Into planning.

Into solving.

Into cleaning the kitchen.

Into making tea.

Into another person’s emotions.

Into almost anything except the place where the fear was actually being felt.

I didn’t know I was doing it.

I thought I was being productive.

I thought I was solving the problem.

Now I see that I was leaving myself.

Why stay?

I can only describe what I have discovered in my own experience.

For me, the body seems to need awareness. Only then I can notice the inner senses

When my attention stays with the body, something begins to soften.

The gripping slowly becomes unnecessary.

Emotions start to move trough.

But when my attention keeps escaping into stories or distractions, that process seems to pause.

Again and again I have noticed the same thing.

The moment I return to the body, the body continues the process. Idea’s fall in. I’m present in this moment. I notice things pretty quickly.

How do I return?

I don’t try to stop thinking.

I simply give my attention somewhere gentle to land. I use the outer senses.

Sometimes I feel the inside of my feet.

Sometimes the inside of my hands.

Sometimes the contact points between my body and the chair.

Sometimes I listen to an audio.

Sometimes I stare at something for a while, until the point it actually becomes an interesting thing.

Sometimes music reminds me.

Sometimes I simply notice that I have wandered off again.

Each return strengthens the pathway home.